Monday, April 05, 2010

even worse

i couldn't help myself. I fb'd her. and she's skinny. Oh, just let me die now.


i'm sitting in class feeling anxious. I'm excited / nervous about both this summer (on grindstone) but in particular about the upcoming reunion. I'm upset I'm so fat. And I don't want to see d. (even worse, married D. + K). It's been 5 years, shouldn't I be over this by now?

Also, i could invite Ryan but it's a big drive for him when you consider that i will be coming down from the island with alexa (and carbon :-)

I think it's really unlikely I'll be able to lose 25 lbs in 2 months. I need to really start exercising but at the same time, i'm already feeling so behind. I just found out my next exam is immunology, not radiology, and that it is NEXT MONDAY so I'm feeling freaked out. I need to go through the lectures, listen to the one (s?) that I missed, figure out if there are handouts (so I don't have to print out powerpoints/PDFs).

Of course, I will have carbon with me. and she's like a CRI of valium to my soul.

trip this pM to Red Bank (big fancy hospital...). I'm thinking about how I could / should / will structure my externship for next summer and then managing to be stressed out about that too (nice, huh?)

mostly I wish I wasn't so fat. I don't want to see d. and be fat. i just don't.