Sunday, August 10, 2008

boozy musings

i just got home from work. well, really, i got home 2 hours ago (or so). but i was rammy and so had a couple of beers to celebrate finishing a 50 hour week at work (that's a lot of hours).

i find myself thinking about my job--what i like, what i don't, how i can make it better.

i think i've come a long way since my first week when i spoke to both supervisors about how to get along with people and not alienate them with my book knowledge (or perhaps, not scare them off with my total lack of real world knowledge).

i think i'm making progress.

there's a new girl who started--full time--and i find myself deferring to her because she is so much more confident than i am. and it's silly because there are things i'm so damn good at--physiology stuff, acid base stuff, disease processes--but i'm paralyzed at how to give a 'butt bath' to a semi-mobile golden retriever with pneumonia and diarrhea.

so this is the crux--is my indecision a mark of ineptitude or is it a fear of doing it wrong--believing that there is a proper 'butt bath technique' and knowing that i don't know it or is it just that i am not good at this?

cause the truth is, i'm good at a lot of what i do. i'm really good at the medicine, i'm less good at the nursing.

i tell myself this is good--that i will learn the nursing and so when i go to vet school (cross fingers, knock on wood) i will be well rounded and able to understand both sides of the medical plan--what the doctors want and what the nurses can get (from the patients, seeing as they don't generally cooperate all that much).

but i'm learning. i love the weekend shift--i love the people. and i like the new doctor who just started and one of the overnight doctors (she's learned my name! and asks me to do stuff!). so baby steps joey. one day at a time. just keep going and the truth is, you'll get it.

now perhaps i've had enough beer to go to bed.

i can't wait for niagara. i can't wait so much its burning a hole in my soul.

i can't wait for alexa to move here

maybe i'll start socializing.

who knows.

all i know is: i'm on a path. i'm actually doing things, learning things, trying things every day that make me a better nurse and a better person.

i guess that's really all you can ask for. in the end, you know?