Sunday, December 30, 2007

it's the only thing that there's just too little of...

i just need someone to love and someone to love me.

i'm struggling at home. i fantasize about getting a dog or getting lots of beads (generally the dog first, when that is ruled out by practicality, then the beads).

it's just hard. i'm so damn lonely here i'd do anything for a friend, for a boyfriend, for just someone to hang out with.

instead i have: no money, weight to lose and two more years at home.

i'm a little sad.
don't worry though, i'm ok.
i just wish i wasn't so lonely

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

christmas synopsis

For christmas this year i got:
TV on DVD (many, many wonderful seasons).
An elliptical exercising machine (!! cool !!)
a new ipod (i dropped my ipod about 5 months ago and now it won't play... also, i had run out of space. the new one is 160 gigs)
an external harddrive for music storage
an external harddrive for backing up things

currently today i have:
watched tv on dvd
worked out on the elliptical
moved my music files to the external hard drive
cleared out my itunes and reimported my itunes library from its new location
imported my 50 gigs of new music to itunes for the first time
and now my new ipod is charging.

i'm pretty excited. i'm going to have all my music in one place for the first time in ages!!!

so that's pretty much it. i also got an ipod shuffle for exercising but i'm going to have to figure out how to use two ipods with one itunes ... i'll do it though.

on other news: i can't wait for practicum to start. this time at home all day is killing me. i am bored and lonely and never feel productive. i miss my friends. all of them, from all stages of my life, and i find myself getting weepy and nostalgic in the wee hours of the night.

but no matter. my music project is going along swimmingly!

and i'll see eliz some time this week
and tomorrow maybe leave the house
and more working out on the elliptical! it's super fun but i keep getting blisters on my feet. so until i get calluses i'm staying at about 30 minutes/day.

perhaps soon i will have something more substantial to say, but right now i'm in the process of getting my life back on track--exercise, eat healthy, bathe regularly and be happier.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

so its been too long

and i don't have anything to say about that. i've been busy. really busy. but more than that, i'm hibernating here. i'm fat, i eat shit and i don't exercise. there. i said it. i moved home and vegged out. i need to stop that. i need to suck it up and start living again in three dimensions (physical, emotional and mental). For the last 7 months i've been living a totally mental life. and i'm good at it--i've rocked vet tech school.

i have about 7 exams in the next two days and then i go on practicum. crazy, i know. but that means i have 4 weeks to my self and i'm going to try to enjoy it.

i have a lot to say, a lot of thoughts i've had, so many that it has kept me from actually writing in this blog because i'm so behind and so overwhelmed. pretty typical joey place to be, really. since i imagine i can see the whole of things, the picture as it should be, but then i can't face getting started. one step at a time. i'm going to try to believe that.

i just finished my exotics take home exam and i was looking through old blogger pictures of birdy and max and bunny and i really enjoyed reading my blog. if i'm going to have that in the future i need to keep writing. i need to say what i think when i lie in bed at night. i need to get my shit together.

i've been so focussed on school that i've let everything else slide. i don't know if that's an excuse but it is an explanation. i have wanted to be so good at school that there is no question i should go to vet school. i think i did it. i think i blew my teachers away. but now i need to remember there's more to me than 'smart joey.'

i find myself thinking of when i tore my ACL at williams. i felt lost the same way i do now, because i was so into 'joey the athlete' (bear with me and don't laugh, i was as much an athlete then as i will ever be so it was pretty intense for me) that when i was hurt i didn't know who i was anymore.

now i've pidgeonholed myself into intellectual pursuits and i've forgotten myself. i need to get back to teh basics. i'm going to try.

one step at a time goals:

  • short post in blogger (4-5 times/week)

  • short exercise (4-5 times/week)

that's it for now. i'll write more after my second exam of the day. maybe.